Green Shoots

In his book The Second Mountain, David Brooks references a story he read about a guy who bought a house with bamboo growing near his driveway. He wanted to get rid of it. So, he cut down the bamboo, chopped the roots; and, just to offer one final blow: he poured plant poison over any roots that lingered. The hole that remained was filled with several feet of gravel and sealed off with cement.

Job done. So it seemed.

Two years later green shoots emerged from the site, breaking through the concrete barrier and defying all attempts to squelch life. In an against-all-odds tale of resilience, the bamboo showed it would not be deterred from pursuing it’s destiny.

In a recent coaching conversation, I felt green shoots emerging. New life was rising up. Hope and vision that seemed a distant memory—cut off and covered up—presented themselves again. Discouragement, fractured relationships, sought to cut off the roots of motivation and cover over a previously clear vision of what could be achieved. New ways forward were now being identified, fresh commitments made.

This conversation reminded me of human potential. The ability for individuals to overcome adversity. To show grit. To be resilient. Choosing to press on despite being cut off, pushed down, covered up.

Take a moment to pause and reflect on these questions:

Q. Where do you see green shoots emerging?

Q. How might you be able to nourish and tend to them?

Be curious, see what emerges.

Who are you?

Now I become myself. It's taken Time, many years and places;
I have been dissolved and shaken, Worn other people's faces…

These opening lines from May Sarton’s poem Now I Become Myself capture a primary task for leaders: naming reality. Who are you? Where are you? Leaders certainly need to do this in the context in which they operate. First and foremost, however, they must demonstrate a willingness to name reality in their own life. Often this starts by answering the simple yet profound question “who am I?”

So, who are you?

Failing to answer this question leaves leaders vulnerable. Vulnerable to the temptation of adopting someone else’s identity—“wearing other people’s faces”—and seeking to mimic their approach, response, view, or behaviour. In doing this, leaders undermine their ability, and responsibility, to lead with authenticity .

So, who are you?

In his book Let Your Life Speak, Sociologist Parker Palmer asserts that “our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic selfhood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human seeks—we will also find our path of authentic service in the world.”

When we are insecure about our identities, Palmer concludes, we create settings that deprive other people of their identities as a way of buttressing our own.

So, who are you?

Leadership forces a person to be honest with themself about who they are. If they fail to address this head on they will live in tension between their identity and performance. They perform in order to be accepted. They perform in order to please others and to keep their own fragile identity intact. This is not sustainable. This is exhausting.

When leaders are clear about who they are, their identity and performance align. They flourish as they lead with greater authenticity and integrity.

So, who are you?

Give yourself a gift today. Pause. Look in the mirror. Ask yourself, “Who am I?” Wait. What do you hear?

The task of leadership can be isolating and lonely. Of course, we are often surrounded by people—sharing ideas, solving problems, making decisions. But even with all the human contact, our role can disconnect us from others.

But effective leadership happens in and through relationships. We cannot function autonomously. In the same way, the task of knowing oneself cannot simply be a solo exercise. We know ourselves more fully as we are better known by others.

So, once again, pause. Find a trusted friend or colleague. Ask them, “who am I?” Wait. What do you hear?

Allow the responses to be gifts. They can help you more fully know and become yourself. They can help you name reality.

Don’t let it take many years and places. Stop wearing other people’s faces. Start today.

Who are you?

Curiosity, Empathy & Emergence

Of all the things that seem in short supply these days, challenges aren’t on the list.  At personal, organisational, community, societal and global levels - challenges are constant and, it seems, increasingly complex and interconnected.  

How might we approach these challenges in a way doesn’t confuse the symptoms for the problems?  Is there a way forward - a framework perhaps - that can we can lead to greater common good?  What lies at the heart of these challenges?  Are they to be seen and best understood through discrete lenses: political, social, economic, religious, organisational, medical, inter-personal, systemic, or a combination thereof?  

It seems that lurking deep (or not so deep) within any challenges is a relational dynamic.  Or, more pointedly, a relational vulnerability or frailty.  It may be our relationship with ourselves, or our relationship another (whether that another is a friend, family members, colleague, client, customer, country or cause).  

If the lens of relationship can help us to engage in challenges—rather than flee from them, fight them, or freeze in the face of them—what components might make up that lens of understanding?  What foundational principles – accessible to all – might move the dial toward more restored relationships, shared solutions and pursuit of common good?

Let me suggest three: Curiosity, Empathy and Emergence.  

Curiosity (“And What Else”)

A posture of curiosity can enable us to remain open to the emergence of new opportunities and possibilities;  it can help keep fear and angst in check. Curiosity can shine a light on things that matter to us, nudging us to explore options as we move forward amidst challenge and uncertainty.

In my experience of supporting students student success and wellbeing, approaching challenges and uncertainty with greater curiosity has enabled increased levels of resilience and hope.  It has created a pathway to a better understanding of values and what really lies at the heart of the matter for students.  This curiosity can often be invited and welcomed by the simple phrase, “and what else”.  This invitation is a gift to another to start to explore and articulate the context in which they are seeking to navigate a way forward.

How might you bring greater curiosity to the conversations you will have before you today?

Todd Kashdan, PhD, whose research and writing  around curiosity, both in academic and popular circles, writes “Curiosity serves as a gateway to what we value and cherish most. We can reclaim the lost pleasures of uncertainty, discovery, and play from our youth. Being curious opens the door to more than simply striving for happiness. It is a powerful trait that is often overlooked on the road to finding purpose and meaning in life. If we are interested in producing a population of critical thinkers armed with courage, resilience, and a love of learning and discovery, then we must recognise, harness, and cultivate curiosity.”

Empathy (“Listen to Understand”)

This type of active listening is other-focussed.  Rather than listening to respond, we creating space and are present with others so that they can be more fully understood.

If, at the heart of our challenges lies a relational dynamic, then our route to a solution is often in dialogue.  For this dialogic approach to work, and for solutions to emerge, we need to approach them with humility and a willingness to listen to what is being said, and perhaps not said.  In my coaching work this is key to not only fostering rapport and trust, but to actually be present with someone and help hold a space where, in the words of Parker Palmer, we can know as we are known.

This empathic listening takes patience.  It takes courage.  It requires being present with an open mindset (and earset). If we listen to understand, rather than to be understood, we too will be invited to share and be understood.  In this way, multiple perspectives can emerge and a more fully formed picture of reality can make itself known.  In this way, addressing real challenges can be tackled together.

How might you resource yourself to bring greater empathy and a seeking-to-understand approach to the challenges you are facing today?

Emergence (“Solutions Emerge Over Time”)

In addressing challenges, being able to read and understand the context we are seeking to navigate and problem solve in is vital.

You may find yourself in a place where well developed processes and procedures work and serve you and others well.

Or you may find yourself in a context where expertise is required and specialist knowledge adds value and a way forward.

For many of us, however, a great deal of the challenges we face in our organisations are enmeshed in complex adaptive systems.  You need to draw on multiple perspectives, and interdisciplinary approaches will facilitate a way forward to what options may emerge and be considered.   The way forward is perhaps a range of possibilities. Testing, experimentation and iteration will be required. There’s no singular or known ‘best way’. Solutions here emerge over time.

There are times, of course, to act decisively.  There are times to call on expertise and a body of knowledge.  But that isn’t always the case.  

As you reflect on the challenges and opportunities before you, where might you create space that invites and is hospitable to multiple perspectives, so solutions can emerge?

If you are curious to learn more about how coaching might resource you to might navigate the challenges and opportunities before you, let’s begin a conversation today. 

Rather than seeking greater autonomy and isolation, these three components to a relational approach to challenges—Curiosity, Empathy, Emergence—may in fact allow us to thrive and flourish as humans.  Humans who work collaboratively, attentive to the realties of others and move forward together.  Moving forward in our teams, organisations, communities and beyond — rather than retreating, isolating ourselves, and further undermining that relationships that we and others need most.